04 Aug 2016

Imagine feeling dread churning in your stomach from the moment you woke up in the morning, knowing that you’ll have to leave the house that day. Imagine negative thoughts and insults shadowing you everywhere you went; in the schoolyard or at work, on your computer at home, or constantly in your pocket on your phone. Imagine hearing such horrible things about yourself so often that you start to believe what people are saying might actually be true.

Then imagine feeling this way every single day.

This is the effect we all know bullying has, and yet many still choose to inflict pain on others for the benefit of making themselves feel better or furthering their social status. (Although how bullying could make anyone seem ‘cooler’ I’ll never know). We’re a nation that doesn’t stop even when we know we have to – doesn’t stop smoking, doesn’t stop drinking, doesn’t stop tanning… Not until it’s too late and the damage is done.

Well good one Australia, we’ve let things go too far once again. Most of us have heard about Stuart Kelly–brother of one-punch victim Thomas Kelly–taking his life after years of bullying over his support of the lockout laws. But Stuart is just one of the many young people who struggle with bullying to the degree that they would consider committing, or attempt to commit suicide.

What’s worse is that recent findings have shown that bullying inflicts not only mental pain on its victims, but has physical ramifications too. According to psychologist Evelyn Field, research has shown that childhood bullying can actually cause brain damage by changing the genetic structure in young minds, resulting in a higher risk of obesity, heart attacks and suicide.

“We have seen comprehensive studies into the experiences of identical twins, which shows significant changes in gene structure when one twin has been exposed to bullying. It’s extremely serious,” says Evelyn. 

This goes for all types of bullying too–cyberbullying included. The people out there who feel “safe” enough behind a computer screen to belittle, criticise or type hurtful words to someone need to understand that their actions could have irreversible, physical consequences that may affect their targetted victim for the rest of their life.

But how do you stop a bully? Often they don’t realise the pain they have inflicted until its too late. As victims, we are often told to simply “ignore” bullies and they will eventually go away, but most of us know that his technique won’t work on those who are determined to drag us down. There are, however, some other things you can try when it comes to helping bullies understand that what they’re doing is harmful and wrong.

1. Don’t be a passive bystander

Bystanders are present in the vast majority of bullying incidents, be that in person or in a public space on social media. Often those who witness bullying won’t do anything about it in fear of the bully turning on them. However, a large reason why people bully is to impress or seek the approval of others. Without that approval, their bullying has no audience. So next time you’re witnessing someone being put down, try standing up for them and let the perpetrator know that what they’re doing is really uncool, even if the bully is your friend.

2. Sympathise with them

Rather than taking the hurtful things a bully has to say to heart, maybe just feel sorry for them. They’re clearly struggling with their own self-confidence if they have to put someone else down to make themselves feel better – or if not, then they’re just a very mean, vindictive person. It might get them places in high school, but it sure as hell won’t take them far in the real world. Take pity on them, and realise their hurtful words are just a twisted manifestation of their own self-esteem issues.

3. Talk to someone

If you’re struggling with bullying, there is literally zero point suffering in silence, especially when your mental and physical health is on the line. But talking to someone, be that a parent, teacher, doctor or psychologist, will not only benefit the victim but potentially the perpetrator too. Chances are they need to talk to someone as well, and alerting others to the situation might actually bring the bully one step closer to getting the help they need.

If you or someone you know is struggling with bullying, anxiety or depression, do not hesitate to contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.