15 Aug 2021

“Don’t dog the boys!”

“The old you would have showed up.”

“You’re whipped now that you have a new girlfriend.”

Men hear it time after time and they barely bat an eyelid. They soldier on and show up to those parties, even though they wanted a quiet night in, well aware that they will most likely get sloshed and hungover for work the morning after.

It’s a stigma where ditching everything to hang out with your mates is cool. Whether you are having dinner with your family or hanging out with your girlfriend - as soon as the boys call, it’s on.

But it goes a little deeper than that - it’s toxic ‘bro culture’.

If you are not really sure what I mean, “don’t dog the boys” is a term often used by males to guilt-trip their friend into coming out with them, when their intention was to do something else. There is no disregard for what you are doing and everything but being with the boys is far less important. 

 

A lot of the time, it’s posed as male camaraderie, loyalty and the support they provide each other but it’s really just another piece of toxic masculinity that never gets confronted and inevitably, ignored.

We see it on reality television - think The Bachelorette or Survivor when the alpha males link up. Think of a boys night, when one of your mates is telling you something that their misses would not be happy about letting an entire table of men know.

How about when you’ve just broken up with your partner, haven’t processed how you’re feeling and your mates want to gee you up by setting you up with someone else on the same night? 

What about when you’re having a quiet night out and your friends are pressuring you to drink? Well, then they would say “the old you would have done it”... it’s 2021. This type of behaviour is just not acceptable anymore.

It stems from that same mentality when men say “stop crying like a girl” as if expressing your emotions is something that only females do and should be shunned upon. Suppress your emotions long enough and you’ll have outbursts of anger; whether that’s in private, taken out on your partner or your parents, it’s just not a good way to handle it. 

A lot of the time, it’s passed on by our parents (you know, the stereotypical man of the house with a job to discipline) - they copped it from their parents and it’s the only way they know how to make known of their feelings. But just know that you should never be in the firing line of it.

If you start to notice this behaviour, you have the ability to break the chain. Find a coping mechanism that works and is healthy for you. Distance yourself from that behaviour. You don’t want to lie to your friends about hanging with your girlfriend anymore? Cut them off. Don’t want to be friends with your mates any longer? Cut them off. You’re probably better off without them. Trust me, a real mate will be okay and understand your reasoning every single time.

It’s time to stop making excuses for your mates or for yourself - supporting a friend could mean giving them some time alone with a simple “here if you need me”. It could be a quick chat or as simple as your mate asking for advice. It does not always need to result in a massive piss up. 

It’s okay to dog the boys whenever you want. It’s time to confront toxic masculinity.