26 Mar 2017

“It’s hard to describe the space I was in. Purely because there was no thinking. There were no thoughts whatsoever in my mind apart from how I was gonna attempt suicide.”

This is part of Shane’s story. He shared his experience with beyondblue after being hospitalised for attempting suicide. It’s great that Shane survived and was able to keep working through his issues, because so many people don’t.

On average, 8 people commit suicide each day in Australia. That’s one person every 3 hours. It’s not a nice thought, but it’s a sad reality. And statistically, men are three times more likely to take their own lives than women. In fact, 75% of people who commit suicide are men and boys. In 2015, that added up to 2,292 males who’d decided not to live anymore.

So what is it about being a man that makes suicide so much more common?

We’re told not to make generalisations or play into stereotypes about the differences between women and men, but evidently, when it comes to mental health issues the differences are important.

Surprisingly, psychological issues are actually 20-40% more common among women than men. Women are generally more likely to experience depression, anxiety and insomnia (while men are more likely to become drug and alcohol dependent). And women actually attempt suicide more often than men do, but men are more likely to succeed in killing themselves.

The reasons for these gender differences are a bit of a mystery, but it could have something to do with unrealistic expectations about masculinity.

According to Rory O’Connor, who’s been researching suicide for over 20 years, “Men compare themselves against a masculine ‘gold standard’ which prizes power, control and invincibility. When men believe they are not meeting this standard, they feel a sense of shame and defeat.”

The problem is that such standards of masculinity are impossible to achieve. The perfect, masculine man only exists in Hollywood movies. ‘Real’ men, no matter how strong and successful they appear to be, have character flaws, struggles and moments of doubt.

No one can be in control all the time. No one can hold all the power. No one is invincible. But it can be hard for men and boys to realise that. To accept defeat. To admit that we’re wrong. To admit that we’re struggling. To cry. And especially to ask for help.

When it comes to suicide prevention, support from friends and family is probably the hardest, bravest and most important thing a person can do. According to Shane’s story, having mates was a real help.

“I had one mate, messaging me, just random, just saying, ‘How you going, mate?’ Nothing to do with the depression and suicide. It was just a genuine, ‘how are you going?’”

So maybe it’s a good time to ask your mates, “How’s it going?”

If you’re having a hard time, reach out to beyondblue 24/7 by calling 1300 22 4636, chat to someone online, or check their forum.