Help! I Don’t Want To Be The Mum (Or Dad) Of The Group Anymore

If you're the parent of the group, chances are you're already well aware of the fact. Being the so-called "group mum" doesn’t mean you’re telling your friends that there’s food at home when you go past any fast food establishment. But you are usually the one who's driving when you do hit up the drive thru.You’re the friend who ends up bearing the weight of the group’s problems and disorganisation. You're the group therapist and always the voice of wisdom. 

But from booking the accommodation for a group trip, to making sure nobody does anything too regrettable on a night out, it can be a tough responsibility. So if you're sick of being hit with the “okay mum” backchat every time you try to look out for your friends – we hear you.

While you really enjoy helping your mates, it isn’t healthy to be constantly looking out for everyone else more than you’re taking care of yourself. It’s okay to be selfish once in a while. In fact, it’s necessary. So here’s a few ways you can drift away from your unofficial role as the parental figure of the group.
 

Set Boundaries With Your Friends

Being open and honest with your friends is always the best way to bring about change. How else will they know how you feel if you don’t tell them?

Clearly explain that you want a break from group mum duties, but make sure you aren’t laying the blame on your friends for putting you in that position. Tell them how much you care about every member of the group, and love helping out when you can. But explain that the dynamic means that you're constantly on the lookout for everyone’s well being, and it’s taking a toll on your own. 

Knowing when to say no is also super important, even if it’s something you would like to help with. But if agreeing is going to leave you feeling burnt out, impact your mental health, or means agreeing to something you’ve regretted in the past – that’s when you’ve gotta politely decline.
 

Share The Load

Just because you don’t want to be the mum friend all the time doesn’t mean you don’t want to help out at all. Imagine if every member of your family put in as much effort as your mum does. She’d be living!

So next time the group’s holiday planning falls on you, ask a couple of people to come round for a few hours and plan the trip together. Bring snacks and make a day of it, then enjoy each other’s company once the hard work’s been done. 

Or if you feel like you’re constantly driving people everywhere, discuss taking turns at driving places, or catching public transport every now and then. 

Give Yourself A Break

A lot of the time we only do things because we put the expectation on ourselves. There's a good chance that your friends don't actually expect you to take charge of the group's parental duties. Maybe you have people-pleasing tendencies that compel you to spend an unhealthy amount of energy help others. If so, you’ve gotta kick that habit to the curb.

When people pleasing is your first instinct, it can be a difficult habit to break. But if you start by prioritising yourself and asking other people for a hand every once in a while, you'll be on the right track. 
 

At the end of the day remember that these are your friends, so they should want the best for you. If you want something to change, they’ll hear you out and do everything they can to get you feeling spick and span.