07 Jan 2022

What scares me the most about getting older and taking the responsibility of being an adult in this social world, is making small talk. It’s a problem that a lot of us struggle with and find hard to overcome. 

Bumping into an acquaintance at the shops frightens me (I literally walk to another aisle to avoid them) and even speaking about anything other than work with my colleagues gets me on edge. There’s something about informal, polite conversation that makes my palms sweat. I overthink and end up word-vomiting by telling my life story because I just don’t understand the concept of small talk.

@dustinpoynter

SMALL TALK: do u love it, or hate it? 👇🏻🗣 #fyp #introvert #introverts #AltTikTok

♬ Monkeys Spinning Monkeys - Kevin MacLeod

And look, I’m generally pretty outgoing with people that I’m meeting for the first time or comfortable around but I do lack those basic interpersonal skills that are needed when I least expect it. It’s not that I don’t care to ask about how you’re going, it’s that I just can’t communicate on that level. Don’t get me started with lame conversation starters.

But there are ways to overcome this fear. Here is an introvert’s guide to small talk, or if you just need a some tips to master that dreaded elevator chat:

Ask open ended questions

People love talking about themselves and it is effortless to discuss yourself than something you know little about - the conversation will run smoothly and open-ended questions generate a great back-and-forth dynamic, much like bouncing off each other!

Practice active listening and take note of what they value

When your mind is going one hundred miles an hour, trying to remember what to buy for dinner, it may be hard to focus when you bump into someone unexpectedly. Try to be engaged, turned on and tuned into the conversation - if they’re talking too fast for you to keep up, bring it up with ‘em later.

Show your enthusiasm and channel your curiosity

If you go into the exchange with a positive attitude, you might be able to pay attention and learn something about someone you never knew about! Ask questions, get clarity and embrace the chance for a great discussion (who knows, it might be a while until we bump into someone we know again, dang you corona).

Discuss your surroundings

It’s the classic “what do you think about the weather today, mate?” chat that we HATE but it’s honestly the easiest way to start small talk. Got nothing to say? Geez, it’s pretty warm outside mate. Bit busy in the shopping centre? Geez, it’s packed today mate. It’s an easy and thoughtless conversation.

Recognise cues

Introverts are sometimes misunderstood as stand off-ish or snobbish but we’re simply just quiet and a bit more reserved. The good thing about this is that we can listen, observe, read and understand body language to recognise when it is appropriate to jump into the conversation. Try it out!

Look for opportunities

Get out of your comfort zone and train yourself - say hi to people on your daily walks, spark up conversation while your groceries are being scanned. Once you get used to it, it’ll become natural and second nature.

Avoid controversial or sensitive topics

This is pretty self-explanatory - try not to have a debate on opinionated or touchy subjects in the middle of your shop (bit awkward and random tbh).

Politics, religion, vaccinations or just anything taboo - unless you want to delve into more than just small talk, it's best to stay away from these at all costs! Or unless they’re your besties; that’s a different story.

Honestly, just fake it 'til you make it! You're probably sick of small talk but there are ways to make it tolerable, plus it generally lasts only lasts for a minute. Keep these at the back of your mind like flash cards and don't let 'em go.