18 Apr 2020

You know what’s hard? Taking care of yourself. But do you know what’s really tough, like really tough? Trying to take care of your mates too.

I don’t mean take care like a nurse would a patient, but rather making sure your mate is keeping their head above water. Or perhaps letting them know that they’re a mouth breather and they’re pushing their luck.

Either way, each situation will be different. But they’ll all be hard. And definitely awkward.

Here are a few ways to kick off that convo you’ve been dreading for a while and how to respond kindly.

1. Write a letter

When you tell someone up front about something that’s been on your mind for a while, it can create a ‘mini shock’ for them. And your approach may have been cavaliered by your emotions.

But writing a letter allows you the time to carefully craft the words you’re looking for. It’s also a perfect way to avoid tiptoeing around the issue if you’re someone who sucks at the idea of confrontation.

A bonus is that you’re also allowing your mate time to process what you’ve shared with them.

2. Do something distractive

Hear me out. This may sound terrible in theory, but it works practically.

Do an activity when you’re talking to your mate. Whether it’s going for a walk (just the two of you because of social distancing, obviously) to watching the footy or playing golf. Do something.

What this does is provides a ‘conversation escape route’. It reduces the pressure and if the conversation gets too intense, you can shift the topic back to the activity to avoid getting overwhelmed if it all goes south.

3. Be prepared

For a challenging chat, make sure you’re prepared. Prepare the conversation in advance. Make sure you know what you want to get at. Especially if you’re noticing your mate struggling with mental health because you’re going to need to be prepared for the response too.

The response is the most important part. And the hardest. That’s why it’s essential you’re ready for the unexpected (or expected). And while I can’t guarantee you that this step always works, it’s best to prepare a few ground rules for yourself.

As much as possible, stay at the same eye level. If they’re seated, sit. If they’re standing, stand. It’s not helpful for one person to be physically above or below your mate.

Speak directly to the other person. Make sure that when you’re direct, you’re calm. Don’t fixate on your emotions.

Don’t walk away or leave the conversation without their agreement. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Look, you won’t have all the answers. And you won’t be able to control how the other person will react. But they’re your mate and you owe it to them. Whether it’s for a bad habit of theirs or noticing they’re just not coping. You're a good mate for noticing. So cheers to you.